This is a recipe in progress, though i suppose most recipes are.
I am just now digesting a large portion of the third revision.
It's name originates from an inability to get around to developing it in a reasonable time frame, but applies well to the method of preparation too.
Sometimes i am an arm-chair food scientist. Sometimes i am an amateur food scientist. there are 'tricks' within. There are ingredients that may seem unusual, or obscure. Each of them has a purpose and a flavor.
Also, this is a big batch. i haven't tried reducing it, but i suppose it's possible. half a least.
It is not hot. Heat is easy. Throw as many peppers in this as you feel like and there will still be an old lady somewhere in cambodia who thinks you are a pussy because she eats hotter foods for breakfast. Flavor development is a better challenge.
You will need a pressure cooker. 6 quart or so. Other equipment includes a refrigerator and freezer, a gallon ziplock, a cutting surface you can sanitize, an immersion blender, basic measuring and mixing implements, scissors or kitchen shears, something to crush seeds in, a colander, and a crazy sharp knife.
Shopping list:
1 pound dry pinto or mayocoba beans.
About 3 pounds of pork. I get a package labeled 'boneless carnitas'. i don't know what part of the pig this comes from. Buy cheap but buy fresh because, hey, we might not get around to this today.
1 large yellow or white onion
1 good size bell pepper. color doesn't matter, i used green.
1 good size Anaheim, New Mexico, Hatch, or Poblano pepper.
1 hot yellow or serrano pepper. i haven't tried the serrano yet. Please no jalapeno. Too funky.
1 good bulb of actual in-the-skin garlic
3 stalks of celery. You could buy the whole bunch but i just don't eat that much celery.
1 standard grocery store bundle of fresh cilantro. For extra credit, get vietnamese cilantro. Vietnamese cilantro may come in a bigger bunch. use your own judgment.
2 cans of diced 'maters. I have been using Hunt's. This, unfortunately, comes into play with salt management and hydration. I don't know what to tell you if you wanted to use fresh ones.
1 bottle of good dark beer. 12-16 fluid ounces. nothing that says 'ipa', 'india', or 'imperial' on it. Negra Modelo is probably a good choice. Newcastle Cabby would be interesting. An oatmeal stout could be a bold choice. Old Rasputin would ruin it.
Molasses. You know, that dark stuff that comes from cane sugar manufacture.
Fish sauce. GOOD fish sauce. You will have to go to an asian market that skews south-east. Red Boat, New Town, Tiparos, Shrimp and Crab, Flying Lion, Flying Horse. These are brands to look for. If they don't have any of these, you have probably gone to the wrong store.
Kelp. Yes kelp. aka Konbu, aka Dashima, aka Tao Be. Not wakame, or nori, or some other seaweed. You won't need much.
Epazote - dry. aka Dysphania ambrosioides. aka 'jerusalem oak', 'mexican tea', 'wormseed', 'jesuit's tea', or 'herba sancta marae'. This is an herb common in mexican cuisine, often used with beans or eggs. you will probably have to go to the meximart. i got mine from penzeys.
Whole coriander of the small spherical seed variety - like mexican coriander. indian coriander has a longer grain and tastes more citrus and anise and less hotdog.
Black pepper (whole? maybe)
Cayenne pepper powder
Oregano, dry
Thyme, dry
Cumin powder, dry. i've been using a 'roasted' cumin from McCormick.
Vegetable oil, bacon drippings, butter, lard, whatever.
Salt.
Preparation as follows:
About a day before you plan to make chili, we have to make the brine and get the meat into it.
Meat is easier to slice when par-frozen, so if you can put the pork in the freezer for 4 hours or so before you cut it, that makes life easier. If it's entirely frozen, it's a lot harder to cut. So, if you completely freeze it, you'll have to par-thaw it.
Put a 1 gallon ziplock bag in a bowl or pan or something to prop it up and pour in the beer.
Crush or grind about a teaspoon of coriander seeds and add to the beer.
Add:
1 tablespoon salt (possibly less)
2 tablespoons fish sauce (very salty)
2 tablespoons molasses
1 tablespoon cayenne pepper
1 teaspoon ground black pepper
Close the bag and swish until mixed, then open it back up and put it back in whatever was holding it.
Cut the pork into rough chunks no bigger than an inch on a side.
Put the pork chunks in the bag o' brine.
Seal the bag with as little air as possible. Knead it a bit to assure even distribution of meat and brine. This will look and feel gross.
Put the bag o' meaty brine into the fridge, maybe still in a bowl to hold it upright.
You can leave it there for, oh, up to a couple days probably - it's said that more than 14 hours causes some degradation of the meat but this meat is going to be stewed and pressure cooked. The salt and the hops in the beer will retard bacterial growth pretty well so there isn't much to worry about there. Leave it in there for no less than 12 hours.
If you are sure you are cooking this tomorrow, sort your beans (remove any rocks, dent corn, broken or weird beans, anything you don't want to eat), rinse them off, and put them in a covered non-reactive (glass,plastic,ceramic) container with a lot of water over them on the counter for 4 hours to a day.
Alternately, you can use a 'quick soak' method on the day. But the slow soak is better.
When you get around to it:
Put a few tablespoons of oil or grease in the bottom of the pressure cooker and turn on medium-low heat.
Peel your onion and coarsely chop it. Throw the onion chunks into the pot and stir. What we're going for is a sweat - a light sizzle.
Wash your bell pepper, cut the stem and calyx out, chop into chunks, throw in the pot, stir.
Do the same with your other peppers. seed management is up to you if you hate finding seeds. You can roast your peppers before chopping if you want, too.
Rinse your cilantro bundle, discard any wilted cilantro, and finely chop about half of it. Stems and all. Stems especially. Maybe just the stems - i don't care if you use the leaf, but the stem is required. Throw in the pot. Stir.
Peel and crush 4-6 cloves of garlic. And i do mean crush - do not use a press. Throw in the pot. Stir.
Using scissors, take about 2 square inches of kelp and cut it into thin strips. Let them fall into the pot. Stir.
Let it cook, stirring occasionally, until the onions are limp.
Open the cans of diced 'maters and dump in the pot. Stir.
Add:
2 teaspoons oregano
2 teaspoons thyme
1 tablespoon epazote
1 teaspoon cumin
1 teaspoon coriander
Put all your whole spices in a blade grinder and grind the foo out of 'em, then add.
Immerse your immersion blender and puree the hell out of it. Keep going for a couple minutes after it looks smooth. When it is very smooth and has a very uniform color, keep going some more. You won't regret it.
Honestly if you had a big enough blender you could let it spin for 10 minutes. Running the lot of it through a victorio food grinder wouldn't be a bad idea, though we do want to keep the plant fibers.
Pour your beans into a colander over the sink, rinse with cold water, and add to the pot. Stir.
Retrieve the bag of meat and brine from the fridge. Pour the entire contents into the pot and stir.
This is why you might want slightly less than 1 tablespoon of salt in the brine - because we don't toss the brine. The brine and whatever may have been added to the canned 'maters is all the salt we have. This brine also contains a ton of flavor that would otherwise be lost.
Throw the lid on, follow your pressure cooker manufacturer's instructions to the letter, and bring to cooking pressure.
Go listen to the long version of Voodoo Chile or find some other way to time about 15 minutes at pressure.
After 15 minutes, remove the pot from the heat and suffer in agony while you wait for the pressure to drop naturally. At least i do. For what it's worth i'm using an old Presto stovetop pressure cooker. This additional, more passive cooking time counts. But i don't know how to translate it to your pressure cooker.
The vegetables are a pretty normal base for a stew, particularly in the south-east of the united states, though you don't see the celery in chili very often. Oregano, thyme, coriander, cayenne pepper, black pepper, garlic, cumin, and arguably cilantro leaf are basic chili spices.
Molasses is often paired with both beans and pork and offers complex sugars.
Dark beer is made with caramelized and toasted malted barley, again with the complex sugars. The hops provide some supporting floral and bitter notes. The alcohol may enhance some flavors as well, just because it is such a good solvent. Of course, beer is an ingredient of many home chili recipes.
Cilantro stems have an herbal flavor almost entirely unlike cilantro leaf. The western world is only starting to treat them with respect, but they have always been used in south-east asian cuisine.
Fish sauce is concentrated richness and umami. it's nothing but hydrolyzed proteins and salt in water. America's Test Kitchen says you should use it in pot roast and just not tell anybody. If you're afraid of it, get over it. If you think it smells bad, stop smelling it. It's high in glutamate, which is deliciousness.
Kelp contains a good quantity of glutamate too, and also tenderizes the beans and helps reduce gas.
Could you just add a dash of MSG instead? Yeah, but you would lose out on several dimensions of flavor. Despite mass hysteria, there is no evidence that MSG or other forms of glutamate cause any health problems. Just ask anyone in japan or china, they eat tons of it and are healthier than we are.
Epazote is one of those herbs that is not quite like anything else. It has a wonderful fragrance that is only a little bit like motor oil. I can't quite describe the flavor. There is a belief that it reduces gas in bean dishes but this seems to be unsubstantiated.
If you wanted to go all out with this recipe, that would involve draining the brine off of the pork, tossing the pork with a little vegetable oil, and using a large, hot griddle to sear the surface of the meat. But i'm too lazy, and it doesn't need it.
